People are Going Stir Crazy
Today, my kid told me about “number neighbors.” This has apparently been a thing since last summer, but now with the lockdown and all, it’s become as commonplace as homemade face masks. You send a text message to the phone number exactly like yours, except add or subtract a number to your last digit. I looked up the hashtag on Twitter, and there are some pretty hilarious screenshots. I really want to text my number neighbor, but I’m too self-conscious for that. Hopefully, my number neighbor will text me instead.
I’d be a damn cool number neighbor.
People of the world have gotten really goofy during the past 6 weeks. I had to stop looking at TikTok, because I was blushing every time some random dad embarrassed himself. Celebrities aren’t wearing makeup. Martha Stewart got really drunk the other night and posted an incoherent comment on an unsuspecting farmer’s Instagram post. Innocent businessmen are giving themselves crew cuts with their old clippers. I attended a virtual poetry reading on Zoom last week, where a woman wore an eye patch and chain smoked cigarettes in her living room. I don’t even write poetry, so.
Folks are making their animals do weird shit on social media, which is so unfair to those poor animals, who have no idea how to block their parents the way teenagers do. Other folks are hosting family dinners, where each member of the family comes dressed as a character from Tiger King.
On Monday, France told Amazon they can only deliver essential items, effective immediately. So you know what Amazon did? On Wednesday, they closed all of their warehouses and suspended services in France. I guess they got the last word. (Americans would go ape shit, by the way).
It snowed this morning. Go figure.
You guys, we really need the world to get back to normal.
But I mean, do we? Like, yeah, of course we all want our old lives back. We crave human interaction. We want to go places. We wish we had jobs. But at the same time, isn’t there a teeny, tiny part of you that’s sort of like, man, April 30th is approaching just a little too fast? Personally, as I find new ways of adjusting and coping and surviving, I’m settling into this quarantine life more comfortably than I want to admit. When all of this is over, and we’re back in the world, talking face to face with other humans, wearing actual clothes and shoes, pretending to be sane again, I might have a legit panic attack.
OK, let me tell you about one of the best things I’ve discovered while adjusting to this new and improved lifestyle. One of my favorite restaurants, Founding Farmers in King of Prussia, is offering Food Packs with contactless, curbside pickup. Food Packs range in price from $35 - $100, and include all kinds of nutritional goodness. The cheapest option includes milk, eggs, fresh baked bread, soup, pancake mix, whipped butter, potatoes, green beans, onions, parsley, oranges, bananas, and even 2 rolls of toilet paper. I picked up my Food Pack today, along with 3 salmon fillets and a pint of coffee ice cream, and I couldn’t have been happier. The customer service experience alone was so good that even if the food were terrible, I still would have been delighted. As it turns out, of course, the food is amazing.
I swear to God, I’m not getting paid for this.
|Founding Farmers KoP $35 Food Pack|
|Founding Farmers Food Pack contactless curbside pickup straight into my trunk (hatchback)|
|Butternut Squash Soup, Fresh Baked Multigrain Bread, Whipped Butter - Founding Farmers $35 Food Pack|
Grocery stores are struggling to keep up with the demand for delivery and curbside pickup orders. I get that. I put an order into Wegmans several days ago, after nearly a week of trying to get a delivery slot. From what I can tell, my order should arrive on Sunday, which is 3 days from now. Look, I’m not mad about it. I have the ability to shop for myself if I need to. Not everyone does. There are actual sick people out there who are forbidden to leave their homes. Also, old people.
I’m even OK with the fact that The Hubs has been working from home for over a month. I felt myself becoming agitated the last couple of days, and I wondered if I might throw an uncalled-for hissy fit. I was mostly annoyed at the dog, and recognizing this, I took it out on the dog. In the meantime, I tried to smile at everything The Hubs said or did. When I awoke this morning, I was over it. Which brings up another thing. Mood swings. I’ve been mostly positive. But I go through micro blasts of anxiety, confusion, sadness, frustration, and generalized discombobulation. I imagine it’s the same thing playing out in houses and apartments around the globe.
With that said, around the globe:
Confirmed COVID-19 Cases:
Global Death Toll:
New York State Deaths: 11,477
Pennsylvania Deaths: 707
Philadelphia Deaths: 134 (Currently, 7,684 patients hospitalized)
More importantly – right now – than confirmed COVID-19 cases and deaths is the number of patients in ICUs. Reports seem to indicate that number is both leveling off and/or declining in many parts of the world, including NYC. Which means governments and politicians are itching to get the economy open again. Rightfully so!
But what happens after all of us people have spent a night celebrating our newfound freedom with tequila shots at the local strip club? It’s not like we have a vaccine or a cure, yanno? I’m just a dumb blonde from Roxborough, but it doesn’t make… sense?
Also, yo Philly nurses! Youz guys are slaying this.
That’s all she wrote, friends. See you next week!